Over the years... and I'm back!

Wow, 4 years since I last updated the blog.

I can't believe how fast time goes by...

Now I am older, wiser, and even stronger.... erm; let me rephrase: even though many things never change with time, I have experienced stuff that differentiate me even more from other people my age.

I've experimented grief, I've become even more ill, I've let people I care for and people I love go; once more, I've been disappointed by some, and been hurt by others: but I've also had jobs I enjoyed and learnt more, I've uncovered abilities I ever imagined having, I have discovered how strong and willing I can be and I have laughed more than ever, I've also some very awesome people and re-encountered with others.

Now, being back to the place I consider my home, I feel happy again! And even though I would want for things to be slightly different, I can say I am better off here than I ever was back in Mexico. Not that I wasn't happy there, but there was that "thing" missing... and I'm not the only one who agrees with that!

To make my point, here's m story: Diabetes had finally caught up... my kidneys started failing, there was no way back, so I had to start hemodialysis. Sad right? well, not yet. 6 months had gone, going once a week to the hospital, until I started to retain more and more water: long story short, lost my ability to walk not even being able to stand up and started to use a wheel chair, lost my job, started to get isolated, and for obvious reasons, desperation was getting the best out of me. Now it's sad, right?

That's the thing... I could have gone into depression, not even wanting to move on. But I didn't. "Wow, what an accomplishment! How strong and brave you are!" That what I hear when I tell my story. But to me, is just something I have to do, I don't feel especial in any way. Yet, I have weighed the value of my dreams, the opportunities I get, wanting to recover my way of life, realising that everything that has happened is for a (good) reason. I value life and the smallest things more than ever. Things like walking, things I can learn, things I want to experience.

It's not anymore about surviving, it's about living! Of course, is normal to have bad days (don't we all have them?) But I have learned that I gain nothing being whiney or sad. My desperation and fear of loosing all my capabilities was a strong motivation to not give up! It is hard work, and it's an everyday struggle; but as I am approaching to the end of the tunnel, the light, the view, is so beautiful that I just keep going, just to get there!

No one said it was going to be easy! Still sometimes I feel annoyed and frustrated because I feel stuck and fear arrives quickly... but the best part is when I look back in time and realise how much I have accomplished, sometimes without even noticing it! I am not giving up, not now, more over I have an opportunity of a new life, a second chance in life, to be better and healthy... and opportunity that is just one phone call away!