Me (aka Karin): A citizen of two worlds...

Last night. laying at the edge of my bed, I had a wonderful dream, so that reality almost seemed like a nightmare. I had it all! I was happy! I was not alone! Last night I woke up in the middle of the night, Where did the dream go? I woke up alone, again... Last night, I sat down on the side of the bed, missing you... thinking of you.. wondering where you are... Last night I blamed myself... for I don't know what pondering if I should apologize for whatever I've done wrong even though I'm not sure what that is. Last night I was afraid scared of the distance and the indifference that kills me slowly but i can constantly feel their presence... Last night I wished you were here close to me! I wished... ...for your embrace ... for you kiss. Last night I cried a little... even when I tried to swallow the tears hoping it would be easy... to forget, to let go... why is it so hard? Last night I hoped for answers for a r...

There are couple of monsters in the closet that hide way back in the dark cold corner. I found them again last night... These monsters, every now and then, like to come out and play... alluring me to go along, every so often seducing me into their mind games. I fight the temptation... most times I win, sometimes it's too strong... And, especially at nights, they start calling my name, calling me things, implanting vague and discomforting thoughts of memories I believed were a thing of the past and very well forgotten (apparently not), making me remember of those long lonely nights of rainy May, remembering the days when I tried to survive the pain, and a good day was one where I was able to hold a one way conversation with a supposed significant and oh so very absent other. I try to hide under the blankets, but is no use... the more I hide the more present they become... until they start screaming and shouting and crying and yelling and laughing... I want them to shut up! Pl...

Wow, 4 years since I last updated the blog. I can't believe how fast time goes by... Now I am older, wiser, and even stronger.... erm; let me rephrase: even though many things never change with time, I have experienced stuff that differentiate me even more from other people my age. I've experimented grief, I've become even more ill, I've let people I care for and people I love go; once more, I've been disappointed by some, and been hurt by others: but I've also had jobs I enjoyed and learnt more, I've uncovered abilities I ever imagined having, I have discovered how strong and willing I can be and I have laughed more than ever, I've also some very awesome people and re-encountered with others. Now, being back to the place I consider my home, I feel happy again! And even though I would want for things to be slightly different, I can say I am better off here than I ever was back in Mexico. Not that I wasn't happy there, but there was that ...